“You should sit like a lady.”
“You need to laugh quietly as a girl.”
“Lower your tone, it’s not woman-like.”
“You can’t cut your hair too short! People will mistake you as a boy.”
“You need to clean your eyebrows.”
“Maybe put on some make up?”
These are just some of the many comments and suggestions I’ve gotten throughout my life. All leading to one main point: being feminine.
Google defines femininity as “qualities or attributes regarded as characteristic of women.” So why do we add an additional layer of meaning to what characterizes a woman?
The push for women to embrace femininity is such a limited concept. Society has dictated that painting my nails and face make me more feminine. Long hair and thin eyebrows are “necessary” to be a woman. Loud and opinionated women are frowned upon.
The fact that we have simplified all of the human race and every single personality in the world into two main categories, feminine and masculine, eliminates identity. The unique characteristics of people are questioned and looked down upon if any characteristic deviates from what a man or woman “should” look like.
Society has shaped my thoughts so that I am always thinking, “Am I seen as a woman? Can people tell I’m a girl or will they mistake me as a boy?” I’m not generally a person who cares about what others think. But in the back of my head I always have this worry of not being girly enough. I feel like I have to prove that I’m a woman. When in reality, if I, myself, believe and feel like I’m a woman, then that should be enough.
I have been mistaken as a boy countless of times. I have boyish short hair, thick eyebrows, and a lot of times wear baggy clothes for comfort. I have a very loud voice, I’m very open about my ideas and opinions, and laugh out loud quite often without any regards of how obnoxious, or “unladylike” it might be. I sounds like a typical description of a male figure in a book. But I’m a woman. And that’s it. I don’t need to explain why or how and I don’t need to change for others’ acceptance.
Although it’s easy to say this, I’m still insecure and anxious. And so many other women are too. Even if people don’t mistake me for a boy, a lot of people even associate my external characteristics with my sexuality—assuming I’m gay when the truth is something different.
People love to categorize and label based on appearance, which is so harmful. These categories put so much pressure and weight on a person. I am always conflicted with my identity, because on one hand, I feel like I’m doing a great thing by being myself and showcasing my unique identity, but on the other hand, it’s hard to feel good about myself when I’m told that I am not accepted by the standards of society.
Instead of “looking like a girl” or “looking like a boy”, we need to start saying “she looks like herself. And she is beautiful.”
